Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
