I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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