she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
