is your mom at the bar?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
