can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dignity is for republicans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
