Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
