his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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