so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As shirtless as possible
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
