the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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