so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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