this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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