the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
