Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
