she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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