you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
