I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
