Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
