They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
