hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
