Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
