Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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