Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
