i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He felt like a one man threesome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
