After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
