Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
