She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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