Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
