I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
