i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
