I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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