Your mouth is God's brothel.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dicks are not precious.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
