when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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