I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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