There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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