You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
