i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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