Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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