I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
