Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We left the knife in your bed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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