: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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