I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Found the puke drawer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
