My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As shirtless as possible
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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