you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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