How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
