what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't deserve a penis
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
