Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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