After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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