I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's always time for handjobs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
