It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
