I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
