What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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