every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
