The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
