SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The air taste purple.
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