sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
