sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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