**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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