So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
