The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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