Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
