I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
