dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
