I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize