You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
