Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
