So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
