Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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