She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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