So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
