Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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