so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
