I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
