John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
