Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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