the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
is it fun? or sober?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
