So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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