The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
