Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
