i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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