Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
