dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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